What do you think of that teaser title? It’s like all those internet spam and magazine ads telling you how great, pretty, young, and perfect you, too, can be past that certain age. And when you open the ad, the face of a twenty-something year old is looking back. Am I right??
I don’t know what’s worse–the fact that a twenty-something with no wrinkles or lines is the picture of perfection in this spam ad or the apparent endorsements from the media. What a crock!
Well-I’m gonna tell you how you can really bring that youthfulness back to your face. And it won’t cost an arm and a leg. Nor will it cost you your life savings. It may cost a bit of emotional health—buy hey, you’ll look years younger! And who doesn’t want that???
Like Ponce de Leon, I’ve discovered the Fountain of Youth, and you don’t even have to drink the kool-aid water! OK. Maybe you will want to drink a different kind of beverage later on, but in the meantime…
If only the Fountain of Youth gave us some wine, it would make us all very happy all the time!
This age-defying solution is………….
STRESS! Yes. Stress. Let me explain…
Yes! Stress! It CAN make you look younger……
Yesterday morning I woke up to a surprise. It wasn’t Chippy jumping on me with delight because I finally opened my eyes from an eight hour slumber filled with dreams that fed upon my hypochondria.
It also wasn’t the delightfully hot and flavorful coffee Bonaparte surprised me with in record time.
It was the surprise that greeted me as I entered the bathroom and saw my reflection.
Zits! A Whitehead. Ye ol’ Pimple of yesteryear!
Overnight I had regained that red, blotchy, pimply youthful glow. The illumination of the rosy and bumpy complexion was like going back to my high school years when I was 16!
Check out that blotchy red pimple and the whitehead above. I felt so young and nubile!
And it was all due to stress.
Simple stress—like being in Retail Hell for hours on end and actively taking part in the cut-throat bizness of commission.
Now THIS is what commission is like!
The stress of realizing that you have no medical insurance and you will soon have to visit the doctor for your skin check, Lady Parts tests and colonoscopy.
The stress of yet, three more job interviews within the next week that will be prepped for so carefully. And upon entering the judging table, you will be engaging, informative and will be incredibly diplomatic! And the positions will go to someone in their twenties or thirties. And if either corporation is progressive or liberal, someone in their early forties may snag that coveted job!
This would pretty much be me before, during and after a job interview. Incredibly stressful, but pulling on my face would iron the wrinkles!
Other fun examples of stress are..
Knowing that you are going on vacation next month and had at least six months to lose 15 pounds, tried to lose those pounds, got stressed about something else so you had partaken in the sport of stress eating….
Pass the chips, popcorn, cheese, chocolate, Fritos…basically anything except those nasty orange Circus Peanuts. I’ll stress eat!
Discovering, that just centimeters below the biggest blotch on your face were two hairs on your cheek that were almost long enough to warrant split ends. Had there been a third, I would have started a new trend in facial hair braiding! I mean—seriously, why did nobody not notice this and not tell me? I certainly don’t want to look like Ponce de Leon in the discovery of my fountain of youth!
Look to where the arrow is pointing. THAT was growing out of my face along with it’s twin. More cause for stress. Why can’t this grow on TOP of my head??????
The stress of having “a-certain-someone-confiscating-the-retail-credit-card-where-you-work-because-he-is-petrified-you-will-buy-a-ton-of-stuff”, and you happen to see great handbags and shoes on sale and you cannot make the purchase.
Isn’t this Rebecca Minkoff Regan tote adorbs? I’m banned and banished from shopping. Bonaparte the Emperor is making sure that purchases don’t become my Waterloo!
The ultimate stress of the camera on your iPhone being out of focus. I had to visit the Apple store because I thought my blogging had taken a disastrous turn since the camera wasn’t behaving for me. What about my narcissistic selfies? What about my blog photos? Surely they can’t be any more out-of-focus than they normally are?
Khloe Kardashian and I have soooooo much in common. But if her iPhone becomes out of focus, she can just get a new one. I’m poor. I can’t!
The Apple man simply cleaned the lens. It was dirty. I suffered the stress of shame knowing that the Apple man was laughing inside at my slobbiness!
Yes ladies! Stress works wonders to retain that youthful glow!
And this is a good thing. Because lately I find myself wondering..
…and those feelings come from stress!
Could my feet and legs possibly be sore from standing on my feet for 8 hours at a time—or could this possibly be the aging process??? I’m having a hard time realizing the later could be true.
Is that reflection really me??? Is it the horrific lighting—or could this possibly be the aging process??? Again, I’m inclined to believe that the second possibility could be true. So I really look….look…..look old?? (OMG-you asshole. You are old. Deal with it!)
Geez. I can’t even spell “NO” or “MY” correctly. See how stressed out I am? But look at my natural youthful beauty!!! So do the lashes make me look younger?
So you see, when we do wake up with a blotch or a pimple or two, or three—let’s look at it in a positive way. It’s a return to our youth.
And for that one fleeting moment, wrinkles, lines, aches and pains aside, we can be that pimply teenager. The one who thought, at that very time, the breakout was the worst thing that could have happened to us!
But the most important thing is. Let’s get rid of unwanted stress! A hair on the cheek or chin can be removed with a pair of tweezers.
Pimples will eventually go away. In the meantime, they can be hidden with makeup!
Look! Zits hidden. Hair plucked. iPhone camera fixed! It’s gonna be a good day!
An out-of-focus camera just adds to smoke and mirrors. And the camera can be fixed!
I am making an effort to be less stressed. How about you?
Today, I’m giving you another song sung by the great Bobby Darin. “Artificial Flowers” . Listen to the lyrics. Talk about stressed!
Filed under: humor, stress Tagged: Beauty, Humor about Aging, Pimples, stress
